Let's Talk About Batman ... or not

Battle for the Cowl #3

What a letdown. I want to talk about it for a minute, and probably only a minute. Why? Because, my friends, we have seen every bit of this story before, in one way or another, and it reveals nothing new, says nothing new, and in fact, says it in a very stilted, wooden way. SPOILER ALERT - if you care, I will reveal the ending. But I suspect you wouldn't be surprised by it anyhow.

This story started out with a whimper, and ends with a bang - a whole lotta bang, and not a lot more. The storyline here is tissue thin. If you like action movies, you'll probably dig it, but for me, this entire series was poorly conceived.

As a writer, Tony Daniel does not really excel. As mentioned, the plot is barely there, and what does exist is snippets from Knightfall and No Man's Land. The dialogue is forced and wooden, and the character development - well it's just bad. In the first pages, the Huntress and the rest of the Network are summarily dismissed to track down the mad bomber, or whatever (and btw, we're supposed to believe that some 18 heroes are insufficient to cover for Batman? I know he's a badass, but... really?). The impostor Batman, Jason Todd (wooo surprised? No? me either) is reduced from an interesting character who might have employed different methods in his efforts to emulate his mentor to a one-dimensional, not nearly as interesting Joker wannabe (psycho, doesn't care who he kills, yada yada yada). "Overcompensating." Do ya think? In the last pages we see the most cliched ending possible - Jason falls (voluntarily) to his "death" (yeah, right) and Dick assumes the mantle of the Batman. Just as we knew he would from looking at the cover of BFTC #1. I think I would refer to this book as BFD #3 if I thought anyone would appreciate it.

As an artist, Daniel is somewhat better, however I find his interior art, particularly the big two-page spreads and splash panels, quite over-posed. It's like he's channeling his Image days, and not in a good way. In other places, he is quite good and does turn out some excellent panels, but his storytelling is so rushed in places... this is one of those issues that needed to just slow down and breathe a little. The pacing was terribly off, and I found myself just trying figure out wtf was going on from time to time. He needs a writer so he can focus on the artwork.

Some mysteries are left unsolved. For example, what happened to the Huntress and the rest of the Network? Who blew everything up? Who is the dude pretending to be Two-Face (is that really Two-Face? Because he doesn't feel like Two-Face to me). And who is the Black Mask?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn, based on this series. Whatever. Somebody, let me know whenever they reveal it.

Overall, this was a pretty ho-hum experience for me. Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt. Didn't you? Well, if you didn't, you will. I, for one, am pretty tired of the hackneyed "Death of...(insert your favorite character's name here)" which turns out a year later to be a big old hose job. Tim, of course, has survived Jason's attempt to kill him, big surprise, and Damian returned to add his bratty little interjections (which were actually some of the more entertaining bits, between him and the Squire). It all just fell flat for me.

The end.

So let's move on to something infinitely more interesting:

Umbrella Academy: Dallas #6

Loved the whole thing, for the same reasons as I loved Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite. It's really the continuation of that story, and this is the complete opposite of the book we just discussed.

The plot, by Gerard Way, is key to everything here, but perfect counterpoint is Gabriel Ba's odd, angular, and very highly stylized art.

Once again making with very witty dialogue, fun twists and turns, and the wonderfully elegant explanation to the entire conspiracy theory surrounding the Kennedy assassination, Gerard Way weaves a story that involves temporal mechanics that actually does not suck. That's pretty hard to do. Briefly, No. 5 must journey back in time to prevent himself from assassinating the President, or face the end of the world in a fiery cataclysm. As some factions of the very dysfunctional Umbrella Academy seem fractured beyond repair, others seem to be pulling together to fight the future, and there is a deft handling of the sense of accomplishment as well as the whiff of despair running through them. Ba's artwork conveys humor, excitement, and the weary sadness of some characters with equal skill; it is nothing short of a joy to read and study.

Seeing the apathetic, obese Spaceboy rouse himself one more time to try, and then the revelation involving the Rumor in this issue was a rare comic book treat - these characters are quite touching, and I credit the writer with imbuing them with that spark of life that makes a lasting impression. No. 5 builds his model of the solar system - sans Earth. What it means is up for grabs - perhaps it is his comment on just how high the stakes in this thing were. Perhaps it means that he failed to avert the coming disaster and knows it. These are mysteries worth investigating, and I hope to be there to see it all play out. It will have to wait awhile as Gerard Way is now recording the new My Chemical Romance album, plus becoming a father. I'm certain that with both happening at the same time, it'll be a little while before we get another Umbrella Academy. Whenever it comes, on the strength of the 12 issues that exist now, it will be worth the Way-t. Get it?

The contrast between my two picks this week is huge: while one is full of cliched writing, stilted, forced dialoge, and other tired bullshit, the other is chock-full of fun, dynamic action, wit, and great storytelling. Battle for the Cowl attempted to, in Crisis-style, include everyone who's anyone in the Bat-Universe. But to what end? They weren't used - at all. They were simply in there so that they could be seen. Unfortunately, this franchise, like Star Trek before it, has become so strangled by its own mythologies that it is doomed to continue to repeat itself until it breaks the boundaries and does something fresh and new (I cited Star Trek as proof that this can be done successfully). I hope that will be sooner than later, because by the end, I could wait for it to be over, and I never want to read those stories again - for the third or fourth time, I forget which now. Meanwhile, Umbrella Academy added freshness and depth to the characters we met in the earlier series, gave us a bunch of nice, punchy dialogue that people in similar situations might actually be able to say - though being in situations like these would be highly unlikely. The little twist at the end between Luther (Spaceboy) and Allison (Rumor) and Five (00.05) was super cool, and lent a lovely, aching wistful quality to the denoument at the end - the pacing was superb, and when the book ended, I wanted to read it again, and then read another one just like it.

What did you read this week?